putting on the brave face

So everyone has read about the Seal 6 team that died yesterday in Afghanistan.. It is such a sad day for our entire military brethren. First off, my thoughts and prayers are with the SEALS family, friends and Navy comrades. I read the news yesterday with SG was talking to his "pops" in Vegas. He was sitting next to me having a casual conversation with this man, resting his arm and hand right on the top of my leg. As he continued to talk, I continued to read. I read and read and read, and the part that stuck out to me was that in 48 hours, SG will be in that same exact area, under the same conditions, risking his life for us in this war that has raged on for 10 years. He will be working with the Helo's and make comments about convoys and needing to go to main FOBs to get the essentials. I want to scream to him that the essentials are his life and his PPE.. I am not against what we are doing over there, but it is different when it is someone who you actually know, and care about. Regardless of where SG and I go in our relationship, I will always be that person that cares.

With that being said, he is going to stop by in a while to gather up some more necessities, and say goodbye to us. I have been forced once again to put that brave face on and watch him leave again. My daughter will hug me and rub my back and it will take every ounce of my being not to break down. Momma breaking down is not good for the family. once he is gone, I will count the days until I hear from him, I will incessantly check my E-mail for everything, and I will hope and pray for his safe return until he is back. 

the storms

Man talk about not so bright and shiny. Life was great on Thursday and Friday, then Saturday came around and everything went downhill. While SG still wants a relationship with me as I do with him, there is a third party, his EX. They are cohabitating right now because he leaves on Monday for the 'Stan. She is upset with him because he has moved on and she hasnt. She said if they were going to live together then he should out of respect, not do things.. OK I dont get it. He lived in an apartment on his own for a year. He moved back to the house (using that term loosely because half of the SHIT is here and he isnt) to save $$ while he is gone. When he gets back from the Stan, she will have moved on to a new location. Then can we return to where we were? Thats the question? Why does he feel as though he needs to sneak around to visit? There is NOTHING going on between the 2 of them and I know that, but I guess a 10 year relationship between the 2 of them and there is some unsettled business.

Where does that leave me? I feel brushed off, and put to the side in what is SGs last week here before he leaves for 8 months.. What do I do? (if I had followers, I am sure I would get comments.. OYE)
 I want to spend every moment that we can together, but he feels as though he has a curfew.. GEEZ